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April 03, 2006

Four Weeks

In ten hours, I’ll have been back in England for four weeks. It doesn’t seem possible.

I’ve spent this evening remembering my last day in Antigua, four sad weeks ago. I woke fairly early – made easier as I’d stopped freelance work as soon as I knew I was returning; made harder by my mother waking me anyway long before I was ready. The plan for the day was to go to her lawyer and bank, to give me power of attorney, get my legs waxed, hair cut, get my ring back from the shop, and pack. Not in that order, and including several stopoffs at bars.

My mother had been nagging me for days to pack. Finally it was my last evening, and there was no more wriggling out of it. She settled on the harp as a starting point; I tried explaining to her that packing the harp involves sorting through my clothes first, then deciding which items get to join the harp. Only when that’s been done, can the harp bag be wrapped with my 25 metres of bubble wrap, after which it goes into the sleeping bag which is nigh on impossible to carry. She was anxious to help, so she went to fetch the bubble wrap – and found that the two sheets of 12.5 metres each had been replaced with a large pile of very small pieces of bubble wrap.

I started packing for a bit, then she came in for a brief chat, which led to us chatting for a few hours, helped along by several drinks and cigarettes. Finally the rum became too much, and we both collapsed in bed.

How can that have been four whole weeks ago?! I’ve been in my job for three weeks now, just long enough to be on the other side of an excessively long Induction Period. They had planned a detailed induction schedule, with several training sessions and / or meetings per day, which was abandoned after the first few days. Although they found out I was picking it all up very quickly by looking over a colleague’s shoulder, they didn’t actually give me any work to do, so I’ve managed to spend the time finishing one of my websites. I ‘accidentally’ updated my CV on Jobserve, and posted my English CV on Monster; I’ve had two phone calls so far. Oh so tempting – and also oh so embarrassing.

I’m still in the shared house, although I wonder how much longer that’ll last. (No doubt they are too). We’ve had a couple of late-night parties, which have been excellent fun – and then disappointing when they’re not repeated. After the last one (which was wine-driven), I bought them three bottles of wine as a gift; they all seem to have stopped drinking since then. Just the odd beer now and then. Sometimes the housemates are friendly, sometimes they make me feel excluded and a bit unwanted. I obsessively clean the house, but given that most of the housemates are male, they don’t notice.

For the last few weeks, I’ve had a small pile of new books to read, so I’ve been happy to curl up in the bedroom reading for a few hours – till I hear the voices of several people, or I get guilt pangs about being antisocial - or generally make myself absent for other reasons. There’s a very nice 10 mile walk to Richmond (and back) along the Grand Union Canal Path and the Thames Path; it would be nicer still if I could learn that in England, it rains whenever it wants to. Sunday before last, it just drizzled most of the time, which I just ignored; last Sunday, it started pouring within minutes of me starting and rarely let up. By the time I reached Richmond, Richmond Park was now Richmond Lake, and the rain had turned into hailstones. It’s also a 10 mile walk in the opposite direction towards Greenford, but I’ve gone off that one since reading about a murder on the Path over there.

I suppose I’m more used to being back, now. That may be because I try to avoid unfamiliar places and – to a large extent – people. If I’m talking to a complete stranger, the chances are higher now than a week or two ago, but there’s still no guarantee I’ll manage recognisable English. It’s annoying that people can tell my state of mind by how high my voice is; then again, it’s handy that generally people (unless they read this) don’t know that. Unfamiliar places just tend to leave me wide-eyed and slightly incoherent – like yesterday’s yoga lesson, for example. Sometimes I look at the cars parked along the street, or driving past, and marvel at the condition of them all – probably only about 15% (if that) of cars in Guatemala would actually be classed as roadworthy.

Of course, when my world is this house, commute, work, gym, Eat Café for lunch, the health food shop behind Waterloo for my herbal teas, a choice of two pubs after work, and my walking options being either to Richmond or to a friend’s local pub in Bank (via another friend’s office en route), it’s easy to shelter myself from any more overt evidence of where I am. I should probably explore more – return to my old flat, if only for a check-up, actually go to a supermarket – but I suspect that would exceed my current overwhelm limits. I know how ridiculous it is for me to be in such a chronic state of shock about being back, given how long I’ve lived here, and I should force myself to snap out of it; on the other hand, I want to cling to the Central American reactions, I’m not ready to lose them yet. Then again, on yet another hand, I’d love to simply hop on a plane back home, but given the current airfares, I’d definitely have to shed the harp – it’s charter or nothing.

Posted by chantal at April 3, 2006 11:53 PM

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