Chantal - Have Laptop Will Travel: Braver New Job

November 01, 2004

Braver New Job

So now my time at Lewisham is coming to an end. Matt, Jenny and Simon know me well enough to know that I’d turn into my latest nickname, Harpy, within days if this role was to be long-term. On some level, I’m sad to be leaving – I’m fond of most of my colleagues there, but grateful not to have to withstand too many more dialogues with Zak, who I’m still convinced barely understands database design, much less suffer yet another team meeting or conversation with John. From the conversations I’ve overheard, the team seems riddled with Furballs, it’s just a case of ignoring them the best we can. At least none of them sound like they’ve swallowed a pedigree cat.

My jobhunting has gone so badly, I’d managed to convince myself that I’d be happy to stay on, gain the SQL Server and Crystal Reports experience, wander over to Tesco every day with Dominic except for when I’d rather go on hunger strike than subject myself to yet another pathetic-excuse-for-a-sandwich from Tesco, chat with him for most of the day, then feel mild guilt at how little work I’ve done, just before leaving, just before being detained by John, Chief Furball, for about half an hour. I’ve learned quickly that the train is never going to turn up, so it’s a far better waste of time to stand outside the office at the bus stop, and to elbow my way on before the several dozen black women bulldoze their way on.

But at least it’s only temporary. If I’d not had any other options, then I’d have been happy to play with SQL Server etc, if only so I could put them on my CV, and continue chatting with Dominic, Stacey and Anthony (frantically avoiding germs from the latter). I’ve worked so bloody hard for the last two years, working in somewhere so laidback and unpressurised is up there with winning the lottery. Dominic commented on the complete absence of all managers on Friday, so as a result, we chatted for most of the day, and I caught up on email. I ended up having to stay half an hour late – thanks to the painfully awkward John (Furball Mark II), whereas Dominic realised he had an urgent, immovable deadline around 4pm. Stacey and I left together. I’d really hoped we’d go to the pub together – though Matt’s on holiday for now, if I’m going to celebrate my new job with anyone, I want it to be with the Furballed Crowd, not with short-term friends based in a part of London I never want to have to visit again.

It’s ironic, that after nearly two years of working for Network Rail, I’d sooner take the bus to work, no matter how long it takes, rather than subject myself to a predictable stream of excuses for my train’s absence, generally either ‘delayed’ – no ETA even attempted at – or just simply cancelled. I guess that summarises well my current job – an interim role to help me disengage from Network Rail and my close friends there, to be able to email them frequently but not miss them as painfully. To bond with new colleagues, to settle into a new role, but still to always squeal or smile when I receive an email from an ex-colleague.

It’s been a long week. It started with Rahat’s leaving party, ended with Ana returning to her boyfriend, and included way too many late nights in between. And all the while, I stink of fox repellent. Yuck.

I’ve always said that I’ve never worked for any company like Network Rail, never got so personally involved, except for some excavations I worked on in France 9 years ago, where I at least had the choice to return after I left. Maybe the purpose of this current job is to absorb the anecdotes, meet new people, new working practices, so that I’m at least in a better shape professionally when I start my new job. Though I’ll never stop missing Jenny, Matt, Ian, Simon, Laura and the rest, at least I can keep it to myself from now on. At least I can vaguely try to be committed to the company, rather than constantly keeping my options open because they’re not paying me what I’m worth.

So that brings me to the new job. A job from heaven, a job which I could never have dreamed of getting – and one which I got on the basis of my character and personality alone. It’s in a fantastic location, too close to a Waterstones for comfort, stunning building, probably a healthy IT infrastructure at last – and it doesn’t feel in the slightest bit real.

But it’s a Real Job, at the very least. Like in Network Rail, where I lucked into my job as I vaguely had the skills and they were under too much pressure to be too choosy, this is a job I’d be stupid to turn down, to choose friendly colleagues or the nightmare of badly-programmed SQL Server over the future I’ve been wanting, but never expected. At the back of my mind, there’s always the unspoken rivalry with Khilan, who I’ve only heard from infrequently in the last two and a half years; both of us have been very cagey about what we’ve been up to in the interim, but I never stop feeling the pressure to try and upstage him, or at least be on an equal footing when we finally drop the pretense and admit what we’ve been up to in the last few years.

It’s been two years since I last let myself chat with a friend at work, and I’m enjoying it. I’m enjoying the dry humour, the opinions, the sporadic conversations. Sylvie – the Elsa of Hackney – would shout at me that I had no sense of urgency, but currently, no matter how behind or disorganised things are, neither do any of my colleagues, and it’s a healthy transition environment after the frantic pace of the Project, and the absurd working conditions we were expected to endure. I find the lack of pressure or guidelines unsettling, and frequently worry about how little work I’m getting done, but at least, for the first time in nearly two years, it’s healthy. Nobody in their right minds – apart from Matt – could have ever described the Project as healthy.

It’s still ‘we’; it’s still present tense; I imagine it’ll take me far longer yet to stop feeling so untimely ripp’d, but at least emails can make up for not sitting next to the Furball (and wincing visibly with every hacked-up hairball). But at least by the time I start this elusive new job in a week, there will have been a whole different job and set of colleagues between it and the Project, hopefully enabling me to start on a far fresher note and not always looking back. In a way, it’s good that I’ll be starting at the bottom – after nearly two years of the benefit of Matt’s Access skills, which were only ever called into question whenever I faced yet another baffling error message or glitch he’d never seen before in the eleven years he’d worked with Access (I was so relieved to hear my PC was being put out to pasture and not being inflicted on him), constantly doubting, questioning and occasionally ranting about Zak’s database skills isn’t a situation that can last. I sincerely hope I’ll not come across another Zak – nervous twitches, bicycle bits, bizarre interpretations of naming conventions and all – but a mentor, much as Matt has been, and I’ll never have to look back except for the occasional Furballed reunions. Robyn’s back; we need to set a date.

Anyway, it’s late, and given how strong this sweater’s smelling, at least I can sleep safe in the comfort of knowing that there’s not a fox for miles around.

Posted by chantal at November 1, 2004 12:41 AM

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