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July 28, 2004

Imminent Joblessness

I went on holiday a few weeks ago to decide what to do. I’d been jobsearching until then, but wanted to be certain about what I wanted to do and where.

While waiting in the airport, I decided that the best way of choosing where to end up would be by scanning the list of destinations; I chose France and Spain in a heartbeat. But once I got to Fuerteventura, and realised for all that I babbled endlessly in Spanish, my Spanish was out of sync with everyone else’s, I got profoundly homesick for Mexico and Central America. Without even thinking about it, I knew I had to leave my job, for my sanity if nothing else.

It’s been nearly two weeks since I returned, and I’ve spent that time either chasing my rucksack or in my usual sleep-deprived haze, so although I’ve jobsearched, I’ve been reluctant to commit to anything.

Then today. Today I was told that my contract would not be renewed, and that although it could be extended by a few weeks, that would be the most that I could expect. A smoking buddy has been wanting to poach me for a few months now, so as soon as she finished listening to me ramble on, fighting off last night’s sleeping pill (which mutated into a migraine), she had a meeting with her boss to discuss the possible addition of me to their team. He was last heard of raising it with his boss. She was prepared to approach the director, if that’s what it would take.

Soon after I was told about my imminent loss of contract, we had to endure a team meeting; straight afterwards, I emailed another manager who would be severely affected by my departure; he is horrified and concerned, to say the least, and is petitioning for my extension or transfer too; unfortunately, he’s on leave for the next week and a half. The only real work commitment I have is to his team, so it’s sad he might miss his chance through his much-needed holiday; his team has recently downsized by nearly half, and he’s had no assurances that he’ll be able to replace the absent staff.

So that’s what’s been happening today. After five and a half weeks of no work, today was frantically busy; three meetings eating up most of the day, and not even having time to go to the gym. A database corrupted on me, taking nearly an hour to resolve, after which the Furball shouted at me for prioritising that over finding out we’ve been pinning our hopes on someone who can’t even help us on a not-hugely-critical situation. But that’s how the Furball works. Regardless of how we work best, he prefers to flap and chuck random mundane tasks at us, making us lose our concentration and place, making it all the harder to pick up what we were doing when we get the chance to return to it. Worse still, Matt and I are specifically Database Programmers. Any extranet, network or security issues are completely outside of our remit, however much he rants or how many furballs he hacks up in the process. (Matt is lucky; as a poorly-disguised secretary, I get pretty much stuck with the lot). The Critical Situation involves an industry package Friend 2 has been trying to get installed all year. IT are physically and intellectually incapable of complying. Once it’s up, someone will need to upload two years’ worth of data (around 265 spreadsheets), only we don’t know how, as nobody actually has it installed or uses it. The one person we were counting on – Furball was planning a delegation to this person’s desk, but I preempted him by returning five mugs to the kitchen and ‘accidentally’ bumping into him as his desk is nearby – doesn’t use the add-on we’ll be needing. I had argued – and when it concerns the Furball, it’s always arguing – that it’s more logical to assess the data load and quality first, then approach this person about how to install it, as opposed to approaching him without a clue about which data needs to be matched to the current infrastructure.

So I’ve been jobhunting. When Aileen left in April, I was heartbroken, and couldn’t conceive of having to leave all of my good friends here at work. She kept beating herself up over being ‘such a woman’, for being so upset; I realised I’d be far worse with the sheer number of friends I’d have to leave forever. I couldn’t do that to myself. But then my mother phoned me within a few hours with a job interview in the States, and in the next few weeks, I started to accept how dead-end my job has become, how little future or prospects it offers, and how the only rational move is to leave as soon as possible before I fall off the career ladder altogether.

I started to write a piece about a week ago called ‘Furballed’. Furball is what we call my boss, due to the alarming number of hairballs he hacks up on a daily basis. Jenny came up with the term, and not only has it stuck, it’s spread. (Which is almost as revolting an image as the memory of any given furball). I’ve extended the term now to become a verb, meaning anything he says, basically; ‘bullshitting’ is too non-specific. Though there’s another person and a half in our team, I seem to be the only one who argues with him when he talks bollocks, when he tries to teach us to suck too many eggs, when he mistakes me for being his secretary simply because I’m female and nearby. The others certainly complain a lot, but somehow manage to bite their tongues around him. They compsensate with emails; though the partition between me and the Furball may be low, I’ve still mastered leaning far enough down that he can’t see me silently split my sides laughing at the latest email about him. Approximately once a week we pool ideas for doing away with him altogether.

I have no illusions about not being English. From what I’ve heard, American culture would be best suited to me, only I managed to break out in a migraine in May simply contemplating living there. I could never, ever live there – and stay sane. But I refuse to tolerate stupidity, inefficiency or incompetence, and my boss represents the lot. It may be common practice to accept this as the norm, but I view that if someone in IT screws up, they sacrifice their job; if the Furball stubbornly refuses to learn anything about how our Project works, much less what it is called, then ditto. There is no excuse for failure. I have worked for enough people to know that the Furball’s level of ignorance is uncommon (thank God!), and that on the whole, managers tend to understand and have experience of what their team does. Also, it’s unlikely they’ll have a hairball condition. Not only do we have to battle with the root of all ignorance which is our IT department, which the Furball avidly courts, but we also have to contend with a highly non-technical boss who assumes he’s a genius. He’s twice provided specifications for me on certain databases, and both times I’ve had to bite my tongue so as not to say ‘I quit.’ Having not had any database work in a while, I’ve settled for the odd spat over the partition. Matt has just received the Furball’s proudest work, a new set of specs (which the Furball poured his heart and soul into while producing), and he all but packed up and quit on Friday. Over the weekend, I realised that if another database comes my way, I’ll be in the same situation, and I will quit. So it would make more sense to quit beforehand, and avoid the suffering.

It’s sad, though, that a job I’ve been so strongly committed too and which I have so many roots to, has become so much of an endurance test. Enduring staying sane for nearly six weeks with no work, after being completely flat out for nearly a year and a half (working about 13 hours a day for the first few months). A year of tolerating a boss who isn’t capable of doing any job but a secretary’s, but who is happy to see me as his own. Having been fiercely sociable for about the first year on this job, I’ve begun to retreat, and though I’m saddened by the loss of friendships, I can’t summon the will to regain them. I’m ready to leave, but because the Furball is such a key figure in my dissatisfaction, it would be hard to imagine working on the project away from him. Joining Friend 1 would mean staying in the same office, but moving to the other side (no window, so my mini-rainforest would sob); joining Friend 2, though less likely, would result in moving to another office, where many of my friends are based. (Having typed that, I just phoned one of them and left her a lengthy voicemail.)

The excuse I was given was a combination of cost-cutting and insufficient work, although I figure that in the next few weeks, I’ll have up to three months’ work, if not more. I’ve been told it will be passed onto my colleague, but he will be too busy and complacent to be able to action it in the timeframes needed. I currently support about seven databases which I’ve built (one corrupted today), and, having been involved in a lot of data maintenance, am more aware of the live info which he seems to ignore as it’s not relevant to whichever database he’s currently building. A former colleague visited today for some meetings; we had had a meeting months ago when he had told me that I was crucial to the Project because of the historial information I held. As our boss remains allergic to anything resembling information or knowledge, I shouldn’t feel too much remorse in them being stuck with the extant databases and no supplementary data which would actually be of use. We’ve always known that the Knowledge Manager role is an oxymoron; at least I won’t be around to deflect that opinion.

When Aileen left, she told me that she’d assumed six months to find a job, but was fortunate to be offered one much sooner. Given that I want to emigrate above all other options, I decided yesterday that I should do the same, set myself a similar timeframe. So today’s news was a complete pain, that either I might have to postpone emigrating – which I had already done in accepting this job – or grab the first thing I could find, which would slightly defeat the purpose. Bad enough to suffer the inevitable pay drop, and although there can’t be that many managers out there like the Furball, and that any job would be a significant technical improvement on this one, I’d rather hold out for a Good Job than the first one I can find. Wherever it may be.

Of course, a similar plan might be to drop out altogether. I’ve lost more skills than I’ve ever gained on thisjob, wholly due to mismanagement. Till the Furball joined, Matt and I were essentially independent, our boss too busy to do more than supervise us vaguely on a monthly basis. Though he himself did not command much respect on the project, it doesn’t start to compare with the open dislike universally aimed at the Furball.

Life is too short to put up with this crap.Two years ago, I trained in a database system I haven’t gotten my hands on since, and having encountered the utter muppetry which is our IT department, and the general IT staff, I’m not certain it’s something I’m willing to subject myself to long-term. A friend would like me to be his PA in Fuerteventura. I had told him I’d pour his coffee on his head if that happened – I’m not servile enough to be a convincing secretary or PA, nor blonde enough – but that’s one option, as is recovering my harp from Richmond and flying back there with it. I may have given up the musician lifestyle for good, but it’s still a marketable skill. Or I can translate. Or interpret – for all the tourists and expats too hapless to consider learning Spanish. Or settle for any job I can find, and if there’s a database involved, it’ll be a bonus. But at this point, I’m not sure I’d even bother to be choosy.

I’ve dedicated the last year to trying to get my boss fired. Though I never expected I would be the first to go, I always knew I wouldn’t be able to stand more than a few more weeks of him. That’s a shame. We’re really going to have to work on our Furballcidal plans now, we don’t have much time left.

Posted by chantal at July 28, 2004 11:09 PM

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