Chantal - Have Laptop Will Travel: Choices

« Carolan With Salsa | Main | Land of the Eternal Alcoholic »

December 16, 2001

Choices

[inspired by Jeannette Winterson - but not in the lesbianism sense]
-------------
I think I know how to do this now.

It started with a random conversation in the pub last night. I was waiting to be served; the woman next to me, sitting at the stool, was lighting her cigarette. She inhaled deeply, then frowned at it; only a fraction of it was glowing. She looked at me ruefully and said, You’d think I’d have figured how to do that by now.’ I laughed and replied, ‘You too, hey?’ Then we both stopped. We stared at each other, shock growing into recognition. But not even that - mutual recognition. I scrutinised her further, as she was doing me, to see how much more of her life I could read from her face, her eyes, how she was dressed, even how she was holding her cigarette. If I knew then what I did now, I’d have been burning to ask, ‘Which was it? Which choice was it that you made and I didn’t?’

I’ve always assumed this sort of thing belongs to separate universes - that there are multitudes out there peopled with replicas of ourselves that made different choices from us, at any given time, and are leading lives varying from our own to different degrees. But I suppose it’s not unreasonable to assume that this is happening in the here and now: that one day you choose to turn left, and an aspect of yourself materialises and turns right. Perhaps the reason for that separation isn’t immediate, but it requires that subconsious decision to deviate that sets a new chain of possibilities into motion. It doesn’t have to be profound: being attacked, injured, meeting the love of your life; perhaps the image of light against a wall, an instant of music from a busker, a particular smell, a snatch of conversation - something that sets your imagination into motion and creates a new, small resolve within yourself. Or being offered a job, going out when you wanted to stay in, returning that phone call…small random events, as I call them. But for each decision, there is a new ghost out there who chose differently, who is leading the life you might have led had you known.
I think I know how to recognise them now. The question, though, is how aware of me are they? Can they identify me as I can them? How receptive would they be to my questioning them? Or even approaching them? I suppose they would see it as invalidating their existence; that their only reason for being is a choice I decided against. That they are simply there to explore what might have been. And how real are they even? Though the ones I have seen so far seem completely real, it seems farfetched to accept that there are hundreds, if not thousands of myselves out there.

The woman and I were both too baffled to start a conversation; a man returned to his seat next to her, and she turned his attention to him. But not before giving me a long puzzled stare, as though similarly full of questions and confusions.

I returned to my seat and gave Nick a baffled look.

‘What is it, don’t tell me you’ve seen a ghost?’

‘I don’t know. Something really weird just happened, and I don’t know what it was.’

‘X-Files kinda weird?’ He sounded excited.

I shook my head, knowing I was flattening his energy. I tried to act animated for the rest of the evening, and appear to be enjoying myself, but my mind was whirring frantically, trying to understand what had happened. Nick occasionally gave me a concerned look, but I’d brush them away, not wanting to discuss my ideas further with him.

I lost myself in thought as soon as I sat down on the tube. What was it that I had noticed? And why me, why now? What was the message behind this evening’s encounter? What was it about my life that I had been shown this way to explore all the other paths I could have taken? Was it to reinforce that I was doing the right thing – or was I somehow unfulfilled and frustrating, needing this guidance to redirect me?

Or was I simply being too vain – that it was something that had simply happened. Nothing more profound or complex than that. For some reason, I found that option more chilling – perhaps the randomness of it, the false illusion of meaning.

Posted by chantal at December 16, 2001 03:45 PM

Trackback Pings

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.mdnpress.com/third/mt-tb.cgi/1

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Choices:

» online poker from online poker
You may find it interesting to check some information in the field of online poker online casino [Read More]

Tracked on February 1, 2005 06:20 AM

» online poker from online poker
You are invited to check out some relevant pages about online poker texas holdem online poker [Read More]

Tracked on February 1, 2005 12:50 PM

» texas hold em from texas hold em
You may find it interesting to check the sites dedicated to texas hold em online poker texas holdem [Read More]

Tracked on February 3, 2005 12:49 PM

» texas hold em from texas hold em
You can also check out the pages dedicated to texas hold em online poker online poker [Read More]

Tracked on February 6, 2005 10:04 PM

» online poker from online poker
Please check some relevant pages about online poker texas holdem phentermine [Read More]

Tracked on February 12, 2005 05:33 AM

» texas holdem from texas holdem
texas hold'em texas hold'em online poker texas holdem [Read More]

Tracked on February 16, 2005 02:27 PM

» Texas holdem from Texas holdem
Please check out the pages in the field of Poker Texas holdem Online poker [Read More]

Tracked on February 16, 2005 06:58 PM

» wholesale poker chips from wholesale poker chips
You are invited to visit some relevant pages about virtual strip poker where can i play texas holdem for free [Read More]

Tracked on February 18, 2005 08:40 PM

» online poker from online poker
Please check the sites in the field of online casino texas hold em online poker [Read More]

Tracked on February 21, 2005 03:50 PM

» online poker from online poker
Please check: online poker. [Read More]

Tracked on February 24, 2005 03:30 PM

» free texas holdem from free texas holdem
Please check: texas holdem poker free texas holdem texas hold em poker. [Read More]

Tracked on February 24, 2005 04:34 PM

» poker games from poker games
Please check: poker games poker rules poker hands. [Read More]

Tracked on February 24, 2005 05:17 PM

» poker from poker
Please check: free poker poker poker online online poker. [Read More]

Tracked on February 25, 2005 12:52 PM

» casino online from casino online
Please visit the pages dedicated to online casino online casinos slot machines [Read More]

Tracked on June 13, 2005 12:00 PM

» free poker from free poker
Take your time to visit some relevant pages in the field of free poker [Read More]

Tracked on June 21, 2005 04:53 AM

» texas holdem from texas holdem
In your free time, check out some relevant information about texas holdem [Read More]

Tracked on June 21, 2005 12:59 PM

» video poker online from video poker online
You can also take a look at the pages dedicated to free video strip poker 7 card stud [Read More]

Tracked on June 22, 2005 12:58 PM

» buy viagra from buy viagra
In your free time, check out some relevant information dedicated to diet pills online pharmacy [Read More]

Tracked on June 24, 2005 02:42 AM

» online casino gambling from online casino gambling
In your free time, check out some relevant pages in the field of jack black craps [Read More]

Tracked on June 25, 2005 03:48 AM

» home equity loan from home equity loan
You may find it interesting to take a look at some relevant pages about loans home loans [Read More]

Tracked on June 26, 2005 06:47 AM

» Best Online Casino from Best Online Casino
If you\'re interested in onlile gambling please visit my Best Online Casino Directory. Best regards. [Read More]

Tracked on June 30, 2005 10:02 PM

» Memory Foam from Memory Foam Blogroll
The secret to our success lies in our unique technology - pressure-relieving material. Advanced comfort products conform perfectly to your shape. [Read More]

Tracked on July 4, 2005 03:46 AM

» Top 100 Baby Names from Top 100 Baby Names Blog
One of the most important things you will ever do for your child is to choose his or her name [Read More]

Tracked on July 25, 2005 07:28 PM

» Online Poker from Online Poker
I have found the best Online Poker site. [Read More]

Tracked on August 15, 2005 02:47 AM

» party poker from party poker
empire poker - pacific poker - online poker [Read More]

Tracked on September 6, 2005 01:56 AM

» Hummer H3 from Hummer H3
Hummer also promises that the 2006 Hummer H3 will perform on par with the fuel-thirsty V8-powered H2 while achieving as much as 20 mpg on the highway. [Read More]

Tracked on September 6, 2005 10:16 PM

» Ford GT from Ford GT
Viewed by itself, the Ford GT can easily be mistaken for the original Le Mans-winning GT40 race car and its successors. [Read More]

Tracked on September 7, 2005 12:03 AM

» Nokia 7280 Mobile Phone from Nokia Mobile
The 7280 is by far one of the most outrageous designs from Nokia, featuring a slender pen shape, and the new Navi Spinner key that attempts to make up for its keypadless design. [Read More]

Tracked on September 8, 2005 11:45 AM

» Online Pharmacy from Online Pharmacy
Welcome to Drugs-Store.Info - the most popular, comprehensive and up-to-date drug information resource online. Fast and easy searching of over 10,000 approved and certified medications. [Read More]

Tracked on September 10, 2005 09:57 PM

» online casino from online casino
party poker - casino - online gambling [Read More]

Tracked on September 12, 2005 10:36 AM

» Nokia N-Gage Mobile Phone from Nokia N-Gage Mobile Phone
Forget the kind of games that mobile phone users are used to, the Nokia N-Gage is a full-blown games console; lightweight and ergonomically designed for 2-handed game play, with a high -res 4096 colour screen and amazing 3D graphics. The controls are ... [Read More]

Tracked on September 14, 2005 07:45 PM

» buy phentermine from buy phentermine
Phentermine is a sympathomimetic amine, which is similar to an amphetamine. It is also known as an \"anorectic\" or \"anorexigenic\" drug. Phentermine stimulates the central nervous system (nerves and brain), which increases your heart rate and blood p... [Read More]

Tracked on September 15, 2005 10:23 PM

» buy hydrocodone from buy hydrocodone
Hydrocodone (related to codeine) is in a class of drugs called narcotic analgesics. It relieves pain. [Read More]

Tracked on September 19, 2005 05:53 PM

» buy order cheap phentermine online from buy order cheap phentermine online
Welcome to our site! Thank you. Best regards. [Read More]

Tracked on September 24, 2005 06:44 PM

» work at home from work at home
Our site is for anyone wanting to work at home and anyone already working at home. You will find lots to get you started, help you find work at home and avoid scams. [Read More]

Tracked on September 26, 2005 11:04 AM

» online casino from online casino
Best Online Casino Directory reviews of the best and most popular online casinos on the internet with the highest payouts. [Read More]

Tracked on September 29, 2005 08:31 PM

» work at home from work at home
Work At Home - Home Based Business - Make Money From Home [Read More]

Tracked on October 1, 2005 08:23 PM

» buy cheap bontril online from buy cheap bontril online
Bontril is a sympathomimetic amine, which is similar to an amphetamine. [Read More]

Tracked on October 6, 2005 10:48 AM

» cvs pharmacies from cvs pharmacies
cvs pharmacies [Read More]

Tracked on October 8, 2005 09:14 AM

» paris hilton from paris hilton
paris hilton [Read More]

Tracked on October 8, 2005 09:18 AM

» paris hilton from paris hilton
paris hilton [Read More]

Tracked on October 9, 2005 08:22 AM

» baby halloween costumes from baby halloween costumes
baby halloween costumes [Read More]

Tracked on October 10, 2005 11:00 AM

» baby halloween costumes from baby halloween costumes
baby halloween costumes [Read More]

Tracked on October 10, 2005 11:01 AM

» order viagra from order viagra
order viagra [Read More]

Tracked on October 11, 2005 12:56 PM

» belmont stakes from belmont stakes
belmont stakes [Read More]

Tracked on October 11, 2005 04:51 PM

» jessica alba breast from jessica alba breast
jessica alba breast [Read More]

Tracked on October 12, 2005 10:22 AM

» spybot download from spybot
spybot [Read More]

Tracked on October 13, 2005 09:24 AM

» order viagra from order viagra
order viagra [Read More]

Tracked on October 13, 2005 09:30 AM

» online casino from online casino
find great online casino games and more right here today! [Read More]

Tracked on October 15, 2005 06:17 AM

» carisoprodol from carisoprodol
carisoprodol [Read More]

Tracked on October 15, 2005 06:43 PM

» carisoprodol from carisoprodol
carisoprodol [Read More]

Tracked on October 15, 2005 08:00 PM

» memory foam mattress bed pillow from memory foam mattress bed pillow
A memory foam mattress is made of a very unique foam material. When synthetic foam and chemicals are combined they create a product that has an increase in density weight. [Read More]

Tracked on October 18, 2005 08:31 PM

» blackjack from blackjack
vegas villa - vegas palms - 7 sultans [Read More]

Tracked on October 18, 2005 11:42 PM

» birth control pills from birth control pills
birth control pills [Read More]

Tracked on October 26, 2005 07:16 AM

» spybot from spybot
spybot [Read More]

Tracked on October 28, 2005 07:17 AM

» pill identification from pill identification
pill identification [Read More]

Tracked on October 28, 2005 09:43 AM

» horse cum from
uncut flashing teen uncut cocks uncut cocks bald beaver zoo sex [Read More]

Tracked on October 28, 2005 11:21 PM

» twink from
free lesbian porn gay marriage teen lesbian black lesbians lesbi... [Read More]

Tracked on October 28, 2005 11:43 PM

» pregnant porn from
black or white chubby teen black and white interracial wife [Read More]

Tracked on October 28, 2005 11:44 PM

» free lesbian porn from
gay boy tranny sex twink free bondage gay porn lesbian ... [Read More]

Tracked on October 28, 2005 11:44 PM

» teen orgy from
gang bang squad asian babe gang bang sexy teachers wife threesome japanese sex [Read More]

Tracked on October 28, 2005 11:53 PM

» sexy teens from
little girls pee mature women girls pissing nude teens wet pants teen titans hentai [Read More]

Tracked on October 29, 2005 12:14 AM

» thong babes from
black babes asian babes anime babes harley babes asian babes spanish babes [Read More]

Tracked on October 29, 2005 12:26 AM

» college girls flashing from
brutal dildo hairy vagina date rape gay rape [Read More]

Tracked on October 29, 2005 12:33 AM

» lesbo from
gay gay hunks gays lesbians gay cum adult comics [Read More]

Tracked on October 29, 2005 12:44 AM

» hot babe from
bukkake facials painful anal sperm harley babes cu... [Read More]

Tracked on October 29, 2005 12:58 AM

» camel toe female from
booty janet jackson black booty britney spears nude ass teen... [Read More]

Tracked on October 29, 2005 01:00 AM

» face sitting from
foot fetish feet footjob men masturbating tickling feet barefoot [Read More]

Tracked on October 29, 2005 02:01 AM

» big women from
big booty black girls zoophilia fat joe plump girls fat girls chubby teen [Read More]

Tracked on October 29, 2005 02:10 AM

» bbw from
latin women latina ass 8th street latina latin sex 8th street latinas r... [Read More]

Tracked on October 29, 2005 02:13 AM

» gangbang squad from
lesbian cheerleaders elephantlist sexy teachers mad thumbs [Read More]

Tracked on October 29, 2005 02:14 AM

» big boobs from
very pregnant belly gallery big black tits pregnant pussy huge tits [Read More]

Tracked on October 29, 2005 02:14 AM

» lesbian sex from
hardcore lesbian sex sex slave 236 7 6 jesse d dykes tranny trick teen lesbia... [Read More]

Tracked on October 29, 2005 02:14 AM

» orgy from
rate my cameltoe free camel toe camel toe galleries booty [Read More]

Tracked on October 29, 2005 02:15 AM

» lesbians kissing from
lesbo adult cartoons teen lesbians anime hentai lesbo... [Read More]

Tracked on October 29, 2005 02:15 AM

» girls peeing from
teen sex black stockings teen models teen [Read More]

Tracked on October 29, 2005 02:39 AM

» gay sex from
milf hunter videos teen milfs teen titans mature lesbians hot tee... [Read More]

Tracked on October 29, 2005 02:40 AM

» gallery pee girls from
nylons teens stockings milf hunting lingerie... [Read More]